Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
