Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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