Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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