Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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