Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
