my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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