im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
