Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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