Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
