She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
