it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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