I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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