oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
