he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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