Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
that is very illegal...i love you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
