dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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