The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
