My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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