So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
