I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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