she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found puke in my bra..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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