apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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