Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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