I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
