shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
