sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
