I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize