i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
