Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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