So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
