I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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