It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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