I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
