6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
