I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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