I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
