found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
