it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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