you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
