you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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