my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she smelled like a LAN party
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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