I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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