Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They have beer where we have blood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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