problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
