i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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