He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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