I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
