Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
