and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize