summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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