What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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