I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
