guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
