I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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