love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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