NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my shit smells like andre
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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