Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
