I need help removing her.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
