how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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