I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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