I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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