remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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