i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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