Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
