Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
