i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
