Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
