I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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