Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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