sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
